something euclidean

The gears of this world are well-oiled with sweat from our brows and backs, black tides of war clicking over there's an excellent sound to all of this; I can ...

The major problem with this -- if you took out the linebreaks you'd have prose with rhyme. Besides the rhyme and the linebreaks there aren't any poetic devices to set ...

I really liked Tamora Pierce's books - they were fun, they got to be more well-written as time went on (it's good to see a published author who keeps working ...

Towards the end this gets a little bit wordy, mainly here: To say she was an ordinary girl would be unkind; as the heroine and princess of this story she ...

Your last part is my favorite, and the third a close second -- I laughed, I really did. The first two parts aren't as good satire as the third or ...

Agreed -- the best way to get a moral through (at least, in writing) is to use a story to make a point. Turning this into something like a fable ...

I don't think the repetition works so well in this one -- sometimes you hit it with the repetition, but in this case the refrain is kind of wordy; it ...

agreed with Liz -- the short sentences work in moderation to create a strong, direct, inyourface effect, but too many of them get in the way of the poem, making ...

For instance; most of your imagery is cliche. The sun as golden, for example. Why can't the sun be cotton? Why can't it's warming beams ripple like the torn off ...

The best thing to do, especially since it seems like you're just starting out, would be to read as much poetry as possible. Some on these forums are worth reading; ...

When repeating things over and over like this in a cycle, it helps to vary the sentence structure. It can be easier to get an acceptable flow going when you ...

oh well. criticism that isn't "good" is often the most helpful. getting depressed about it doesn't do much for a person's poetry. Also: "I wrote this like only five minutes" ...

The main problem with this poem is that not everybody is going to know all those musicians and all those lyrics and so while some of the names might be ...

Some stanzas seemed more like prose. Agreed. Try unbreaking the lines and putting in some punctuation: then what will separate this from a paragraph? Does it lose anything in 'translation'? ...

I agree with Ed, it's definately a good place to start. If you end up interested in poetry [which can happen, unexpected, to the best of us :P] then write ...